How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
