spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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