I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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