Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
