I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
