don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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