she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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