Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
don't judge my taste in strippers
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
