I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We're too hungover to prance.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
