I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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