he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
