There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
