You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
