I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
