You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
