we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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