I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
