Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
