I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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