i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I AM VODKA MAN
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
