We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
