So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
