Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
