I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
