We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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