Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
