u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
