kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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