K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
