Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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