come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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