I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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