I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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