There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
