What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
