Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
