i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
