Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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