i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
