i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You left your phone here
Wait...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
