Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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