foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
