God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
