Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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