I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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