we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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