Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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