As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I pour the whiskey from now on
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
