My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
