Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
