apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
