I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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