You really coming over, don't trick.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
