Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
