There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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