i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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